At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
