too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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