More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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