i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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