Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
