hell yes lets make some ravioli
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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