we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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