He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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