I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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