"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
