I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
