no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
