WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
