Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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