We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
