I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
