I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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