Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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