wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My vagina just recognized that song.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
