I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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