The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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