i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
