I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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