Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
