Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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