rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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