Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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