Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
