I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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