he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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