you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to sanitize my soul.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
