I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
