She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
