You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
