Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
