This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
