So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
