craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
