the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
