U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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