Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
