That's when you crack a 10am beer
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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