what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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