I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
