my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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