Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
