I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
