I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
