you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
