I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
