The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you never un-have a 4some
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
