Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
