They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
