Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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