is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
