why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
