I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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