apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
did i just pee glitter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
