So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
