just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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