my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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