she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
