Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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