even my farts smell like vagina
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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