Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
