help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
