I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
