woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
