worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
