why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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