everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
