I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
