The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
